there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
