Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
