last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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