I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
FUCK WHALES
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
