Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
