her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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