grandma shit on top of the toilet
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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