I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
