i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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