I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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