I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
