just come out here and I will go home with you...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
