the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
