Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
