I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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