Screwed.edu
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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