The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
