Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
