If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Farmville is her only friend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
