This is not my ceiling
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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