i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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