Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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