The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
