I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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