I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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