After last night, I could never be a politician.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your penis caused this!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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