this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
