You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
