Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
