I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
