Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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