can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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