I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
