i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
