Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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