i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
