I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
