you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
