he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Your dad touched me again.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
