I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
