ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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