Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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