Quick, to the slutcave!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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