Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
