I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
