so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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