just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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