this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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