May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
