I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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