all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize