Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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