He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
